I have an iPhone, a Blackberry, three land lines with answering machines, three fax/scanners, an iPad, a laptop and two desktops.

But I never answer the phone or call anybody. (See The Telephone.)

So why, you might ask, do I need all this stuff? And why am I obsessed with constantly checking them? Do I really need to know who I’m ignoring at any particular moment? Must I immediately know, while driving or eating dinner, that the Mets have lost another game or that the stock market is down another 100 points? Or that it is raining in London? Or that my daughter wants me to pick up her dry cleaning? Or that it is my turn in Words with Friends? Or that I received a Facebook status update from a junior high school classmate? Or that my roommate’s son just checked in at a lap dancing club on foursquare?

No, I’m checking to see how many people have read my blog in the last hour.