Experts

Posted on September 28, 2011 by fast eddie

Ever notice all the experts in your life? You don’t have to look very far. It really hit home in the run up to Hurricane Irene. In addition to the TV weathermen standing on every beach on the east coast of the United States being thrashed by wind and rain demonstrating what wind and rain look like, we had our local experts.

One of the most authoritative was my gardener who helped me prepare for the storm. Despite the hysterical warnings of The Weather Channel, my gardener was just laying the flower pots on their side near a wall for shelter and tying up the outdoor furniture with rope and pushing it against the house. When I suggested maybe we should put it all inside the house or down in the basement, he said, “No problem. This will be fine. Your house will be rock solid. Even in the Great Hurricane of 1938, this would all have been fine.” Now, our house was only just built last year. And while he may have been alive for the Hurricane of ’38, he would have been an infant.

We also had house guests during the days immediately preceding the hurricane. They were from Florida (they just couldn’t bear to miss a hurricane). So they had their views on the likely severity of the storm and assured us that we and our house would be safe. Of course, their house is constructed with steel-reinforced concrete and hurricane glass. Ours is made of wood, shingles and regular glass. Another friend of ours (who makes furniture, cabinetry and kayaks) stopped by, told us that he had been in many hurricanes and assured us we would be fine.

Well, we were fine. The experts were right. They always are. Until they’re not.

Posted in Humor, Ruminations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moneyball

Posted on September 26, 2011 by fast eddie

I love baseball. I love movies. I loved Moneyball:The Art of Winning an Unfair Game (the book). I did not love Moneyball (the movie). The book was crisply paced, concisely but completely explaining the newfound impact of statistical analysis on the tactics of assembling a winning baseball team from limited financial resources. It was not a compelling human interest story. As a result, I did not see how it could be adapted into a movie, other than a documentary. Nevertheless, the reviews on Moneyball have been excellent, with particular accolades for the performances of Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. I just don’t get it. I thought the movie was slow and boring. The characters played by Pitt and Hill were monochromatic. And for anyone that does not know baseball intimately, the impact of advanced statistical analysis must still be incomprehensible. The only redeeming feature for me was Kerris Dorsey as Brad Pitt’s daughter, especially the sweet song that she sings to her dad to make us all feel like there is something important going on here. If and when you see it, tell me what I’m missing.

Posted in Books, Film, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One Man, Two Guvnors

Posted on September 25, 2011 by fast eddie

The National Theatre’s smash comedy hit, One Man, Two Guvnors, transfers to the Adelphi Theatre in the West End beginning November 8 and is currently being shown on film throughout the United States by National Theatre Live. Don’t miss it. It is a hilarious combination of slapstick, satire, one-liners, and skiffle, led by James Corden’s (Gavin & Stacey, The History Boys) classic physical performance as the ravenous minder of two gangland bosses who he must keep apart to preserve his gig. Based on the 18th century Italian farce, The Servant of Two Masters, but set in early 1960’s Brighton, the NT’s production of Guvnors combines the English flair for slapstick and satire, striking the perfect balance between visual and verbal humor. If Fast Eddie can’t keep you smiling, James Corden certainly will. Let me know how you like it.

Posted in Film, Humor, Theatre | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The King of King’s Road (14)

Posted on September 24, 2011 by fast eddie

(continued from The King of King’s Road (13))

The next morning the homeless man awoke in the shelter, ate some hot porridge and showered. He returned to his cot and began to shuffle his deck of cards. As the other men in the shelter finished their porridge they began to gather around the homeless man and watch him shuffle the cards. As his audience grew, the homeless man began to demonstrate some card tricks. After several tricks he sat on the floor and dealt four hands of five cards each laid face down. He then looked around the faces of the men gathered around him and smiled.

One of the men sat down and took up one of the five-card hands. Then another. And another. When each hand was taken, the homeless man reached for his tin can filled with coins. He took out a 5p coin and threw it on the floor in the middle of the men holding the other hands. The man to his left reached into his pocket and pulled out a small cloth sack filled with coins and spilled its contents out on the floor in front of him. He then placed a 5p coin in the middle next to the homeless man’s coin. Each of the other men then reached into their pockets for some coins and did the same. The homeless man then looked at the man to his left, who held up three fingers and handed back three cards face down. The homeless man dealt him three new cards. Each of the next two men, held up two fingers and exchanged two cards for two new ones. The homeless man then put back one of his cards in exchange for a new one.

The four men kept taking turns throwing coins in the middle, matching and raising each other’s bets until there was almost two pounds worth of coins in the pot. Finally, one of the men matched without raising and laid out his hand face up with two pair king high. Each of the men showed their hands. The homeless man took the pot with a full house.  Then two more men sat on the floor with a pile of coins. The homeless man dealt six new hands. And so it went, as the six men played poker on the floor of the homeless shelter for several hours, until each of the men had run out of coins and the homeless man had won twenty pounds.

To be continued… 

Posted in Fiction | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Knick Knacks

Posted on September 23, 2011 by fast eddie

Our house is filled with knick knacks. No surface area is left barren. Shelves, coffee tables, end tables–all covered with mementos, keepsakes, souvenirs, ceramics, and antiques (other people’s old junk). We’ve got Majolica ceramic monkeys, scores of tartan accessories, ivory combs, Limoges porcelain, Halcyon Days collectibles and faded old photographs in antique picture frames. For years we’ve proudly displayed a picture of a rugged-looking peasant couple dressed in traditional garb apparently from Eastern Europe. My wife thought they were my ancestors. I thought they were hers. None of our parents know who they are. Nevertheless, it’s a cool photo, so it’s still kept its pride of place among our family photos. Generally speaking, knick knacks can be defined as useless stuff that my wife thinks is cool. Stuff that I think is cool would be called crap.

Posted in Humor, Ruminations | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments